I have felt - just discontent - all day. Like I was going out of my skin. I haven't been going to enough meetings - and feel myself falling into the familiar cycle of "Oh, I don't need to go. Oh, wait, yes I do. Ah, no, I don't..." Frankly, it is ridiculous that I spend this much time stressing about it. Just DO it. Listen to directions.
Today was just a tough day. My sister had a rough morning, and it really set me off. I went to a meeting, and on my way home, seriously contemplated drinking. It was such a weird feeling. It wasn't like I was craving alcohol (I actually had a hard time remembering what beer even tastes like) - I was craving the idea of just not feeling. Just today. It was Saturday - a gorgeous day, and I wanted to drink.
I came home and we swam with the kids. I just felt unsettled all day, and I still do. I could appreciate the beauty of my children, and their smiles, and the day - but in the background was this unhappy feeling.
I have been sober - what - almost 8 months. I have had more ups and downs than I can count. I can go from ecstatic to weepy in 5 minutes flat. I guess part of that is life. Feelings happen. I just have to ride it out - and not try to escape from it.
It is 9:17 Pm - the kids are asleep, and I didn't drink. That is a good thing.
2 comments:
Hang in there, Kris. You're doing great. Let's make it another 8 months, eh?
Ya know that unsettling feeling you were talking about? The one where you can't relax, even on the most beautiful days, even surrounded by the best people, you just feel out of sorts? I'm here to tell you it happens to all of us. And much more often than you may think. I'll echo Rob's sentiments.....hang in there Kris.
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