I had a really cruddy day. There is this jerk at work and we had a disagreement today (when we have a disagreement, he talks to me like he is my father and I am 12 years old and a complete idiot. I don't much like that.) I have a very hard time dealing with him. But, I can't control him. I can only control my response.
I also realized that I need a sitter a bunch next week (including for a 7:30 AM meeting one day) since my husband is out of town and I have a lot going on at work. My dad and stepmom are usually my go-to guys (and I appreciate it), with my mom filling in the blanks. However, my dad and I are having a disagreement about my children (basically, he feels that leaving my children with my mentally ill sister at is perfectly fine. I do not. Sheil will back me up on this one! I have told him if he can't guarantee me he won't leave them with her, I can't have them babysit.) My dad refuses to say he will not leave them with her, so I cannot rely on his help. Therefore, I need to make alternate plans. That always stresses me out. My mom has agreed to help, but she isn't happy about it. My husband can cut his trip short. It will work out. Because I can't control him. I can only control my response.
I also messed up something at work. It is actually a pretty small thing, but it was absolutely my error. The woman who it affected (and believe me, if I told you the story, you would laugh - in a nutshell, she is upset because the letter I sent her was addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Lastname instead of Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Really. I called her husband a Doctor by mistake and it threw her into a tailspin). She yelled at me for 120 seconds on my voicemail (that is a really long time when sometime is telling you what a jerk you are). Basically, she blew a gasket. I actually wondered if I was being punk'd at one point. I wasn't. She was really pissed. In any case, I wrote her a letter apologizing, reissued the mistaken letter, and called to apologize as well (she wasn't home. I left a message. She will probably yell at my voicemail again tonight). I told my boss and explained how I dealt with it. And, I can't control her. I can only control my response. I did what I could to make my error right. There isn't anything else I can do,
But, I am home now. My husband and I are going to our meetings tonight. We have the girl across the street babysitting. And, even though it was a kind-of crazy day, I have things to be grateful for.
1.) My son and I watched Stand By Me together yesterday. Watching him enjoy a movie that I so loved when I was younger was really nice. Hearing his belly laugh at parts that always cracked me up made my heart swell.
2.) I am sober to deal with these issues. If I was drinking, I would not be able to think through them clearly. Don't get me wrong - I am still all crazy about these things - but it would certainly be worse if I was drinking.
3.) I am a really good crocheter! I am fast too. I have made a ton of things since I started, and I love all the yarn and everything.
4.) I have a job that uses my skills. And, most of the time, I feel like I am pretty good at it.
5.) The Real Housewives of New York starts again tonight. Come on, you knew one of my gratitude items had to do with trashy tv!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Open AA Meeting
My husband went with me to an open AA meeting tonight. He got to meet a couple of my AA buddies he hadn't met yet, and he was introduced to the craziness that you sometimes come across on the rooms.
He also saw a guy he had met in Al-anon (he goes to both Al-anon and AA) and they said hi and chatted a minute. I like that guy (former heroin user), so I have already decided he should be my husband's Al-anon sponsor. I don't have control issues or anything though.
My husband also saw a man he used to work with. He knew he went to AA, but he hadn't come across him at any meetings he had gone to. It was a little uncomfortable, but they chatted.
The topic was dealing with the unmanageability of the disease/and or your life. It was interesting.
I am going to try really hard to get to 3 meetings a week. I need to keep the program in the forefront. I need to remember how unmanageable my life was when I was drinking. I need to remember the desperation I felt. The disease tries to trick you - I know that.
A woman shared tonight about how sometimes when she sees things at the store that they have now that they didn't have when she was drinking, she is kind-of disappointed. I can totally relate to that. I was a Coors Light drinker. In the can. After I quit drinking, I started noticing those Coors Light mini keg things at the supermarket. I have often thought I wish they had had those when I was drinking. I would have loved that. I will never get to drink out of one of those. Oh well - as a friend of mine says, it is a small price to pay for freedom.
He also saw a guy he had met in Al-anon (he goes to both Al-anon and AA) and they said hi and chatted a minute. I like that guy (former heroin user), so I have already decided he should be my husband's Al-anon sponsor. I don't have control issues or anything though.
My husband also saw a man he used to work with. He knew he went to AA, but he hadn't come across him at any meetings he had gone to. It was a little uncomfortable, but they chatted.
The topic was dealing with the unmanageability of the disease/and or your life. It was interesting.
I am going to try really hard to get to 3 meetings a week. I need to keep the program in the forefront. I need to remember how unmanageable my life was when I was drinking. I need to remember the desperation I felt. The disease tries to trick you - I know that.
A woman shared tonight about how sometimes when she sees things at the store that they have now that they didn't have when she was drinking, she is kind-of disappointed. I can totally relate to that. I was a Coors Light drinker. In the can. After I quit drinking, I started noticing those Coors Light mini keg things at the supermarket. I have often thought I wish they had had those when I was drinking. I would have loved that. I will never get to drink out of one of those. Oh well - as a friend of mine says, it is a small price to pay for freedom.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The program is working
and I am not sure why, or how, or whatever but I can feel my responses to things changing. The same crap happens, but the way I react is different. It takes work and I know I am not anywhere near perfect at it (in fact I mess it up often), but I am trying. And, it helps.
It really helps.
That is amazing to me.
I had a big win at work recently (an event I planned went well). After, my girlfriends and I from work stayed together at the hotel and had a sleepover. We got pizza at midnight and the hotel food and beverage manager sent up several bottles of wine for us (and club soda for me because I asked him for it when he said he was sending up the wine). I didn't even want the wine. Not at all. It didn't bother me in the least to be there, watch them drink, and not drink. I was amazed by that the next day.
I also am trying to be healthier in my relationships with my extended family. I am trying to do what I can though - not change them or change our relationships necessarily - I am changing my reactions and my behavior. That is all I can control. And, it helps.
It really helps.
That is amazing to me.
I had a big win at work recently (an event I planned went well). After, my girlfriends and I from work stayed together at the hotel and had a sleepover. We got pizza at midnight and the hotel food and beverage manager sent up several bottles of wine for us (and club soda for me because I asked him for it when he said he was sending up the wine). I didn't even want the wine. Not at all. It didn't bother me in the least to be there, watch them drink, and not drink. I was amazed by that the next day.
I also am trying to be healthier in my relationships with my extended family. I am trying to do what I can though - not change them or change our relationships necessarily - I am changing my reactions and my behavior. That is all I can control. And, it helps.
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