I have felt - just discontent - all day. Like I was going out of my skin. I haven't been going to enough meetings - and feel myself falling into the familiar cycle of "Oh, I don't need to go. Oh, wait, yes I do. Ah, no, I don't..." Frankly, it is ridiculous that I spend this much time stressing about it. Just DO it. Listen to directions.
Today was just a tough day. My sister had a rough morning, and it really set me off. I went to a meeting, and on my way home, seriously contemplated drinking. It was such a weird feeling. It wasn't like I was craving alcohol (I actually had a hard time remembering what beer even tastes like) - I was craving the idea of just not feeling. Just today. It was Saturday - a gorgeous day, and I wanted to drink.
I came home and we swam with the kids. I just felt unsettled all day, and I still do. I could appreciate the beauty of my children, and their smiles, and the day - but in the background was this unhappy feeling.
I have been sober - what - almost 8 months. I have had more ups and downs than I can count. I can go from ecstatic to weepy in 5 minutes flat. I guess part of that is life. Feelings happen. I just have to ride it out - and not try to escape from it.
It is 9:17 Pm - the kids are asleep, and I didn't drink. That is a good thing.
