Happy Valentine's Day

I wrote this post on another blog (which I am merging into this one) on 2/14/10.

Today is my dad' s anniversary. He has been married to my stepmother, let's see, 19 years. They lived together for at least 6 years before that. So, they have been together for a quarter of a century.

His wife is divorcing him. He has become the same man he was when my mom left him. I am immediately transported back to the kitchen in my childhood home, when my father, my sister and I walked in after the court prescribed switch.

My mom and dad had two residences while I was growing up; a house and a motel, which were about 15 miles apart. We lived at the motel in the summers, and at the house the other 10 months of the year. When my mom left my father, it was summer. So, she left the motel and moved home to our house.

After the court stuff, where I announced with conviction that I wanted to live with my father, at our house, my father, sister, and I went back to the house, and my mom went to the motel.

My mom was not happy about the outcome of the court proceedings. She fully believed that she would get the house and the kids, and when she didn't, she was, in a word, pissed.

She stripped the house of everything. She took the sheets off the beds. She took all the pots and pans. She took the Christmas tree and ornaments. She took everything that wasn't nailed down.

When we walked into the kitchen, we felt robbed.

That is how I feel now.

I feel like Sandy is robbing my kids of their childhood, much like my mom robbed me of mine.

Because I didn't invite my stepmother to my house for my father's birthday dinner, she thinks I am taking sides. Who knows, maybe I am. I didn't want what is supposed to be a happy occasion to be a spoiled by her passive aggressive bullshit. If they are getting divorced, why on earth would she want to come to his birthday celebration?

She speaks to him as little as possible, and generally has a sour look on her face when we are all together. Not only do I not want to see it, I don't want to expose my kids to it anymore than I have to.

My job is to protect my children. My husband and I work hard at our marriage so that our kids never have to deal with the feelings and the aftermath of the messy divorce that rendered me an alcoholic, and my sister a mentally ill anorexic.

And now, my parents are screwing up another generation. I can only hope that my husband and I can counteract the bullshit with love and consideration, and try to limit the exposure that they get.