Good Morning!

I am forcing myself to be cheerful. Is it working?

I really dislike being so cranky all the time. Fake it till you make it.

There is this woman in AA. Her name in D. I really like her. She is totally cool, plus has everything I want. She has what appears to be a wonderful life - a handsome husband, a very sweet daughter, a great house they remodeled themselves, a good job and career, great hair....the whole package. Perhaps the coolest thing about D though is that she just seems truly happy. It radiates off her. I want THAT. I want that true happiness. Don't get me wrong - I have seen her cry and seen her having hard times - but she gets over it and is so present. She works at it. I really should spend more time with her. I know she likes me, and she is always saying we should spend more time together. I really should. I am scared to reach out though.

What else is going on? My sponsor is going back to school for her PHD. I am happy for her. We continue to meet about once a week or so to chat and go to a meeting together. I feel like I am not making progress, but she says that I am right where I am supposed to be. That sucks, because where I am tends to be painful. When do I get the happy part????

Work is kind-of nuts. I am 99% sure my boss is leaving. He hasn't made the announcement yet, but our offices are attached and I hear stuff. Plus, he has had closed door meetings over and over the last few weeks (more than he has the whole time I have worked there). His assistant started acting all upset after her closed door meeting with him. Her position is the most vulnerable to change (CEO's executive assistant). I am a little peeved I haven't been told yet. I am one of a handful of people who directly report to him.

The position he is (likely) taking is his dream job. Really, it is. He has been working for this his whole life. I am happy for him. The other part of me is totally worried though. A new CEO means change. Lots of change. My boss is - difficult - but I am learning a ton from him. I am sad that will end.

My husband is traveling all week.

I am taking Friday and Monday off, which is getting me to work today even though I don't feel like it. I have a couple meetings today, so I should get moving. I just want to go back to sleep!!!!