Want to go out for a drink?

Um. Well, I don't know.

My boss's assistant asked me to go out with the other ladies from work tonight for a drink. I told her I had an appointment. Then one of the other women from work emailed me asking me to go. Again, I begged off.

I am not sure how long I can get away with this before I am either 1.) deemed a snob or 2.) labeled weird anti-social girl.

I would like to go, and socialize, and bond with my co-workers. I want to be normal. I want to be that person who can go out, have one drink, giggle with my friends, and go home. The plain truth is, I can't do that.

My alcoholic brain starts coming up with reasons as to why I actually can drink. I know that is wrong, so I instead start coming up with ways to not appear like an alcoholic. I considered going out, getting a drink, and just holding it. Yeah, that is a pretty stupid (and relatively dangerous!) idea. So, I am now at, go, say I don't feel like drinking, and getting a soda. Which could still be dangerous, frankly. It is usually suggested in early sobriety that you don't go hang out at bars.

Or, I guess I could flat out say, "I don't drink." I don't have to go into a lengthy explanation. I can just say I don't drink. I don't owe anyone a reason. For some reason though, that seems so much harder than just pretending I am a drinker who is not drinking that particular night.

I remember at one of my first jobs out of college, one of my friends from there didn't drink. She never gave anyone a reason (and we were pretty close) - she just didn't drink. She went out with us, and drank soda. I always assumed her father (who she didn't have a relationship with) was an alcoholic and she didn't want to become one. It never crossed my mind that she could actually be an alcoholic. It was a foreign concept to me. I liked her a lot though - even though she wouldn't drink with me, so maybe I have a chance to still bond with my co-workers.