The disease can sneak up on you.....

and it is insidious.

I start to feel really comfortable - like, "Hah! This isn't so hard. I just don't drink and live my life. No biggie." I start to get complacent. I figure it isn't a big deal and I must have just gotten carried away there for a little bit (yeah, what, like 10 years?). I start to get cocky in my not drinking status. It isn't hard all the time. Most of the time it is not terribly hard. The not drinking isn't the hard part - the dealing with the feelings and life is.

Then, a sneaky little thought creeps in. I was driving home from my dad's today (after putting together 6 poster boards of pictures fro my grandmother's wake), and I thought, "Wow, a beer would taste so good right now. I deserve one. I am exhausted emotionally." And, of course, I immediately thought, "No! You know you can't drink." But, then, I was like, "But, look how good you have been - you are like super AA-er - no slip ups and you are almost at 5 months!" And then, "But, you deserve it!"

I know I can't - but it is just so crazy how the thought slips in.