I hope this isn't too soon.....

I got a job.

I have been at home with my kids for several years now, running my own business. But, I decided, when I quit drinking, that it was time to get back out there. I liked working. I liked dressing up and going out and having a clear purpose, with defined goals and adult interaction and coffees and meetings. I know it sounds silly, but I have missed that stuff. I went to college and had a nice career before I started sliding into alcoholism and self pity and depression and motherhood. It isn't quite that desperate, but it was a black time.

So, I applied for a job - and I interviewed, and interviewed again, and wrote sample letters, and went to a fundraiser for the agency, and finally, almost two months later - I was offered the job. Pending a clear criminal background check, I am an employed woman. Again.

Part of me is elated that I actually convinced several people that I was right for this job - that really isn't what I have done (in a direct sense). I feel like I fooled them. Like they now believe that I am capable, even though deep down I feel like I am not. Like I am a kid playing office at my dad's desk - stapling things and answering the phone. Like I am not really qualified.

It is a good fit, in terms of my kids and my family and hours and flexibility. But, it is still a j-o-b.

The thing I need to remember is that if I don't like it, I can quit. It isn't like this decision is the final decision for the rest of my life. I'll try it, I'll see if I enjoy it and if I am good at it.

For now, I will just be happy I succeeded.